Harper’s 3rd
birthday is coming up this Thursday. I cannot believe it has been three years!!
I am going to write about something that is very hard for me to admit, but as I
said before my feelings are a result of MY life. Of all the sad days that I
could reflect on Harper’s birthday is the ONE that gets me. Every year as hard
as I try I am sad for her father who is missing another birthday. Christmas,
his birthday, his D Day, wedding anniversary, and father’s day…none of these
days get to me. Harper’s birthday is the day I morn her father the most. For
those of you who may stumble across this blog and not know me, my husband was
killed in a car accident on September 13th 2008. I was 5 months pregnant
with his first child.
I do not
remember much about the rest of my pregnancy with her after that, only that I
was under an enormous amount of pressure to get her here healthy (my own
accord). I remember the day I was scheduled to have her. All of the family came
to the hospital to see her. I, however, was not ready. I already knew from the
ultrasound that she had his nose, and wondered what else she would have of
his….I was just now getting used to him NOT walking through the door, sleeping
beside me, and calling me every five minutes to tell me he loved me. I didn't want to have her without him, raise her without him. How in the
world was I going to be able to look this child with her father’s face and be
happy?!?!
At 1:23 p.m.
on January 26th 2009 Harper Eleece Wilhelm Richie was born. She
didn’t cry, she simply entered this world silent and calm. Upon seeing her for
the first time I had a panic attack on the table and had to be administered
oxygen to calm me down. She looked exactly like her father…same eyes, same
nose, same widow peaked brown curly hair….I WAS IN SHOCK!!!! It was almost
unbearable to look at my child. I loved her from the moment we heard her little
heartbeat, but the circumstances preceding her birth made that day almost as
hard as the day I buried her daddy….Im not going to lie…I HATED THAT DAY!!!
Three years later I wish I could say that I have overcome that feeling but I
haven’t. It is approaching and I am growing anxious as I have for the past
three birthdays.
Now to the
title of the blog…
Harper is our saving grace. Although raising
her without Steven is not what I wanted, having Steven Richie’s daughter is
what I needed!!! Where would we all be right now without her? God gave me a
piece of Steven to have until the day I die. She is the glue that has held me
together for the past three years. She is the best of him…kind, funny,
compassionate, helpful and just like her father she can stop me with a little
gleam in her eye and a grin…WHAT A BLESSING, WHAT A GIFT, WHAT A TREASURE, I
ADORE HER. She is my little piece of Steven that God has entrusted me with, and
for that I am eternally grateful to Him. I can handle one day a year of sadness
compared to the other 364 of joy that she brings me!!!
"Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will
depart. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be
praised." Job 1:21
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